This post has been a long time coming, but I can't think of a more appropriate time to put it up than on the posts numbered with the number representing all hates - 101!
I have never like Tea or Coffee and I'm fairly certain I never will, even if my tastebuds did adapt to their most peculiar flavours I think by now social and other factors have accuulated such a hatred for both products that I can never seriously consider drinking one of them again.
Why don't I like them: firstly 'cause they just taste weird. Coffee products are just wrong, coffee ice cream is ignored, coffee biscuits only tolerated and coffee chocolates are always the last to be taken out of the box - so why on earth would I want a coffee flavoured drink for crying out loud. Now Tim and other caffeine addicts may be able to tolerate the aforementioned products, but I suspect that this is because they can't taste anything but coffee by now anyway!!! Tea is more tolerable, but a flavour I can't quite figure out and I don't have any particular inclination to do so. So then my initial reason for disliking tea and coffee is essentially that I don't like the taste, but is this cause for hatred - no, as always people are always behind the larger issues.
But let's stay on the product for a minute because, coloured by other factors, I have developed an extreme dislike for the stupidity of the tea/coffee making process. What idiot when he was thirsty decided that instead of taking water and drinking it to assuage his thirst he would instead boil it and chuck a load of leaves in and then when it got too hot he got some milk (another perfectly good drink by the way) and chucked that in there. What a complete nutcase he must have been, but yet somehow his invention caught on. And so around the world people actually bother to take time to make a drink when they could have downed a juivce and gone on to more fruitful activity - there's nothing worse than waiting around for people to make their cups of brown filth when you've got something better to do. The heat factor is also very irritating, why you would want to make something hot I struggle to understand. The repeated swallowing of boiled water seems to give tea/coffee drinkers a tolerance for heated food which I just don't have so people always heat their food to ridiculous temperatures that the human body, unless subjected to this bizzarre willing torture, is unable and unwilling to endure. So this means I always take longer to eat than other people and I'm a slow eater at the best of times.
But even this is not enough to generate the extreme dispassion I feel for these products, as I say, the problem is always people. Drinking hot filth is such a status symbol in Britain that you are frowned upon if you don't partake with the masses in their daily caffeine ritual. These products aren't drunk because of pleasure or thirst of their holder, they are drunk because it is seen as a social necessity to do so and those who can't tolerate it or succumb to attempted indoctrination (maybe it's genetic?) become social exiles, politely outcast by the rest of civilization. This come with the stupid preconception that tea/coffee is a "grown up drink" - since the high heat of the drinks is dangerous to give small children this is a sensible label, but people have taken it to also mean that if you don't drink tea or coffee then you are not truly a grown up.
As with other, more tragic, forms of social abuse if you are told something enough you start to believe it. You start to feel that you don't match up to the rest, you start to apologise for forcing to people to get you juice or when they bring you coffee out of assumption (yeah sorry for forcing you to make a drink that takes two seconds to make you...) and generally feel a little bit less of a person for doing so. Well I've found an outlet for these feeling - and that is pure anger and distain - no longer will I apologise for who I am or for my tastes and beliefs.
I, the Figleaf or your imagination, detest both tea and coffee and I'm proud of that - March 12, 2008
Adieu
Word of the post: Quadruple - adjective
| 1. | fourfold; consisting of four parts |
4 comments:
One, prepare from abuse from Tim.
Two, Coffee, though i like it, you have a fair point. Thought the caffine uses of it can't be found it water. Assume a south american saw a hypo monkey. Voila.
And tea, though i do drink mostly water, i must defend tea, as i am chinese. Putting milk in it is just plain stupid, and the saucer is a great british mistake.
Let me explain. Chinese food is always carefully selected for medicinal purposes, even chicken and mushroom soup as the right medicinal ingrediants. Tea was used as medicine and there were a million varieties, rather that scoff a leaf, add it to water to form a plesentish drink. And the "saucer" was originally a lid on the top of a cup to keep the tea warm. Then the British caught on, but didn't know what to do with the saucer, so they stuck it underneath.
Anyway, i like both drinks, but only when i can be bothers. Water or juice is a far better thing for quenching thirst. It's like eating, worms are a perfectly good source of food, but most people prefer a good roast chicken.
i apologize for my awful spelling
Faire point Samuel, as I outlined it is more the social abuse you get that has coloured my view of the product itself.
Cough!
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