My travels

Hey y'all

Sorry for not posting and all that, I'm gonna try and make it up to ya by posting a log of some of my travels recently, I wanna avoid doing long posts so it's gonna have to come piece by piece so that you're little minds can cope with reading it. So without further ado...

Travels

It was with a weary heart that I made my way to Impolito, one of the least desirable tourist locations anywhere (as described by Go There travel magazine) and booked myself in for a weekend stay. I went there for two reasons, firstly I had gotten myself lost and secondly I was grabbed with the innate curiosity about this place which seems to be the only reason people ever travel there, as I gathered from asking other tourists. The reason for this is that the only information available is word of mouth, and there seem to be no official sources available to describe this place (CheapSeat magazine’s brochure for Impolito just reads NO REFUNDS!) Well, I will attempt to correct this.

Impolito is a small country in the far reaches of the world; the reaches are so far in fact that you can never quite tell where it is until you’re there, and when you get there you’re too tired to remember where you came from. And when you leave you’re in such a hurry to get away from it you soon forget the way back, and in fact you’re quite glad of this in the end. The people of Impolito run the tourist agencies themselves and they like to tell you, with an uncanny combination of enthusiasm and a nasal drone, all about their country, which manages to sound dull and depressing even though they’re clearly quite chuffed with it. This soon sends you off to sleep, and is the reason why most people can’t remember how to get there. I heard a tale of a man who brought a barrel of Red Bull for the ride to try and help him remember, but he caused so many toilet stops that they kicked him off. But thankfully he had enough energy left to run the whole way back.
After a few hours on the bus it stopped having completely left civilization and I got off and then rode a camel the rest of the way. There was actually a plane to take you there, but the only thing to do on that ride would be another guided tour, and the seats looked so tatty I might not be able to fall asleep even. And when I found out that the in-flight movie was Home Alone 4 that sealed the deal. The camel guy told me that going by camel was a great adventure and was just as good as flying, and to be fair I did spend much more time in the air than I did on the ground. And after a bone jarring ride through hills and hillocks and the odd mountain I was finally there.

Word of the post: ficticious